Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
