Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
