story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
