mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
