Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize