I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We have so much sex to catch up on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
