I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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