omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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