well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
