this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm getting married
To pizza
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
