just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
