Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
