at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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