I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
