Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize