Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
