you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
