somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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