so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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