We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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