why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
