i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
