Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
