tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there was a trapeze. enough said
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
