they need to just BURY HIM!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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