Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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