apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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