its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize