yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize