textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You smell like stripper and shame
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
