At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
