I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
