He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
two words: eviction party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
