You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
