i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
