Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
