oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
