The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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