We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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