I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
