her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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