I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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