I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found the puke drawer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
