I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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