Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have fence marks all over my body
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
