The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
