Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bring me that man meat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
