Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize