I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
