I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize