if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
