Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
