I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
