I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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