Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize