I've blown a few things in my day
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
