I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
