I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
