so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
