Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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