You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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