I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
