I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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