OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
