I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize