wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
