Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize