So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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