i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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