insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
